Screaming, but no one hears. Falling apart, but no one notices. No one will ever care until something bad happens. It’s too sad, seeing yourself in front of the mirror and looking tired and dead, like you never existed. You’ve done enough, but for them it’s not good. Of all the people I know, I didn’t expect them to be the one who will never believe in my abilities, in my talents, in myself.
I can’t be this sad for my whole life. I know I am enough, and I know that there are still people out there, like my family and some of my friends, who always believe in me and always proud of what I have done. Who don’t mind all of the mistakes and excuses and disappointments I’ve made.
No matter what happens, no matter what this cruel world can do to break me, no matter how much pain will demand to be felt, no matter how people can be too judgmental, I know God will always be here with me, will stay by my side, and will listen to me because He’s always been my sanctuary, my refuge, my best friend, my all. I’m too blessed, I know. And I won’t let these little things change what I believe in.
Can you blame me for being timid and shy? I don’t have that enough courage to face other people, especially when I am not comfortable with them, or do not know them that much. I always think that my every move is a mistake, so I am getting more careful with my words and actions. I have no strength to say what I want to say, to speak for my own. I keep these words in myself and let them stay there, until I regret. I just don’t wanna be around with a lot of people and talk in front of them because I feel awkward. I have this feeling that they will keep on noticing my flaws, and focus on them. I’m.. a shy and an introvert girl. And I have no idea why did I become like this, literally noticing and feeling everything in a negative way. I know that before, I have that confidence burning up inside me. I guess right now, it lost its own fire. But, I am really trying to overcome this worriment, trying my best to light it again.
Hi! How are you all? :) Finally I had time for tumblr!! Hooray for tonight!! *partying*
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I’m just somebody else trying to fit in, in this complicated world of teenagers. I say what they want to hear, I do what others might like to see, and trying to be good enough. But this isn’t me. I want to act naturally, but people around me keep on making me someone else I am not. But at least, at some part of the day, I’m being true to myself. I am being brave enough to show the real me to them, and won’t mind if they’ll hate me for that. I’m too fed up being in a mask that hides the true me. And I promise to myself that I will be confident enough to appear in front of them saying what I want to say, doing what I like and not trying to be good enough. Because this is me, and I will not let anyone in this world make me afraid to be me then make myself change just for them. No, I won’t ever let that happen, again.
I always end up having that broken heart.
First day of being a college freshie.
So far, it’s fun, yet scary at the same time. Glad I have survived the first day. But to tell you the truth, I cried to mom when I got home. I don’t know why, I just feel terrified and acting like a little kid. But I know I must grow up now!! Ugh. It’s true that college is way different from high school. Really. And I just miss everything about high school, the teachers and my classmates. I got a hard time dealing with other people, though the good thing is that I have met new friends. I should accept the fact that this is a brand new start for me, for us. And all beginnings are hard, and scary. But all you have to do is “trust yourself”. And just “be yourself”. You can go through the hardships and trials if you believe you can. You must have that strength inside you. You shouldn’t be afraid of what’s in there. You should try new things, and expect the worst. But do your best always, stay positive and keep smiling. I have experienced a lot this day, it was tiring. But the good result of all that has happened, is that I have learned. Now, I know what I should do and don’t. I’m still in the adjustment process, and I hope things will get better.
Thank you Lord for staying by my side always. I know You’re there, guiding me always. I love You!